So here's the truth.

I still think about you 24/7. I still wake up thinking I would still have you in my life. I still sit there and think about everything that happened between us. I really don’t want to, but things just remind me of you. Of us. Do I still want you? I don’t know. Do I wish we would have done things differently? No. Why? Because when it all comes down to it I did have the best time ever. Despite the fighting. I still, to this very day, never get why I gave you a million chances and you never actually gave me the time a day. I did pick fights with you, but I wanted to see if you “loved” me enough to put up with it. Yeah, maybe I went overboard sometimes. You just were so quick to give up. You weren’t the one who had to go through all the doubts and second thoughts whether or not you’re telling the truth, I did. And after a while, I didn’t know what to believe. It was really hard. I wanted to believe you, but everyone else thought differently. You didn’t even know. Even if we were good and happy I would still be paranoid that the next day you would change your mind and do something stupid because you couldn’t have the same feeling for longer than an hour. Yes, I always thought about the negative, but that was only to protect myself. Thinking of the worst case scenario could help me not get hurt when something bad did happen. When you really look at it, I sat there and watched you fuck up your life because I was so into thinking you’ve changed so I put a blind eye on every wrong fucking decision you made.

Like honestly who was there for you all the time? Who would wake up at 3 in the morning just to hear your voice and what you had to say? I was there to listen when you were going through horrible things with your family. I always tried to understand why you were being moody. I always forgave you for everything. I mean I could never be mad at you in the first place, but still. Who was always there? Although I was there for you, I always second-guessed that you were never serious when you told me you loved me, that I was pretty much why you even try in school or anything really, and that you were scared to lose me. I guess I did fight with you a lot to see if there was back up to those empty promises. The sad part about all of this was I thought you were gonna be different with me. I actually did somehow believe everything you said. I remember everything and it’s really sad that I do. I don’t know anymore.