If I had the option,

to take pills and pills and drink so much alcohol that my liver would run away from my body, to smoke until I couldn’t feel, couldn’t think, couldn’t care, trust me, I would. I wouldn’t give it a second thought. If it meant not being able to feel or think, even for just a while, I wouldn’t hesitate one bit. Nobody knows what those monsters in your head can do to you, they claw and scratch trying to come out, and you fight so hard to keep them in because you know if they come out that it wouldn’t be pretty. After a while feeling and putting on a fake smile all by yourself and crashing alone, isn’t worth it in the end. Not feeling is just so much more easier.