When people are complimenting me,

I feel like all they're doing is feeding me lies.

I never believe it. Whether or not it's in real life or online. They just bounce off. I mean at first, it's like yay, and then later it just fades into nothing. I still feel insecure in my own skin.

Transition.

"In middle school, people asked you for gum or candy. But in high school, people ask if you have a lighter or a cigarette. There's no more little kid parties with Kool Aid and soda; those little parties turn into kickbacks and full on house parties with beer and hard alcohol. You transition from riding bikes to driving cars and taking things past innocent kisses. You start to see the differences in people around you and suddenly you're not friends because of color or money. Pain goes from tripping while playing jump rope to having your heart broken by someone you thought you loved. The innocence is gone and you can't get it back."

I think Santa Clarita is such a shady city that all of this happens in middle school.

The down sides of being very:

Cute: No one takes you seriously.

Hot: Everyone just wants to fuck you.

Attractive: People will like you based on your looks.

Sweet: You have the highest potential to be put in the "friend" category.

Funny: Everyone expects you to make them laugh. Nothing more.

Fact: Parents

call their children ignorant yet they won't take the time of day to listen to how their children feel or what they have to say.

At our age, we have no voice no matter what we say.

Having to go through all this is just painful.

I hate talking to an ex and feeling what we used to have is still there, but we both believe that we've moved on.

“Woman's happiness begins with her first love and ends about then”

Maybe your first love is the one that sticks with you because it's the only person who will ever receive all of you. After that, you learn better. But, most of all, no matter what, a piece of you forever remains left behind in the heart of the one you loved - a piece no future lover could ever get, no matter what. That piece holds innocence, the belief that love really can last forever. It holds friendship and pain, trial and error, the one kiss you'll never forget, and that night under the stars you can never get back. It holds youth and everything you thought love would be, everything that was proven wrong.

I hate the fact that

we ignore each other for so long, then you start talking to me like nothing happened. And by saying the simplest things, you make me smile. Then I realized, shit, you still have that effect on me.

Little did I know,

you were just another dead end road, paved with pretty lies and broken dreams.

I can't wait until

I don't give a fuck about you anymore. Until then I will continue to lie about not giving a fuck about you anymore.

"What I want is to be needed.

What I need is to be indispensable to somebody. Who I need is somebody that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my attention. Somebody addicted to me. A mutual addiction."

-Chuck Palahniuk

i fail at relationships honestly.

• i worry too much
• i get jealous
• i get mad easily
• i’m always thinking what if.

it just gets so frustrating at times and i don’t know what to do so i get stuck or i either get mad and say something i really don’t mean & that just fucks me over

Endless.

One blessing, yet a curse. This is all coming from a sober mind, so please do not take this as drunk/high mumble jumble. I am completely frightened and terrified at my ability to move on so undeniable quickly. It’s almost like lightning strikes when I’m going through the ever so normal state of being “upset”, but my mind leads to a different direction almost immediately, which pushes aside very potent emotions and feelings. It’s never enough, It’s never too much. It could really just be my subconscious trying to find ways to push thoughts aside temporarily, and then haunt me in the future, which is definitely damaging.

I can’t see myself in a serious relationship for awhile.

I think I’m more of a ‘casual-dater’ right now. I’m at a point in my life where a relationship is not my priority. I’d rather go out, meet tons of new people, and get closer to the friends I already have. I love my life exactly how it is at the moment. I don’t want to be tied down to one guy. Of course it’s nice having someone to date, but the whole commitment thing isn’t exactly for me right now. But don’t get me wrong, I’m not like whore-ing it up or anything. I’m just enjoying life.

On the real, I have nothing against serious relationships. I just don’t think my lifestyle right now would be conducive to one.

Lately,

I get very dark moods for no reason. Nothing in particular brings it on. You can be having the best time of your life and yet you’re utterly and totally miserable. I get very anti-social, depressed and irritable with people. I don’t have time for them. I can’t make phone calls and stuff. I just sit on my own for days.

There’s something about music that calms your soul.

The song starts and you let the beat play into your ears slowly down to your feet which are tapping along with every rhythm. You close your eyes, listen to the music, and let the lyrics flow within your mind. Your body relaxes and for a moment, everything seems to be okay.

Sometimes I wish I could just scream.

Scream until my voice is hoarse with sadness. Sometimes, I just wish I could laugh the whole day, nothing to worry about. Sometimes, I wish I could cry on someone’s shoulder, telling them everything, my hopes, my dreams, my faults, my fears, my horribly fucked up life. But I’m too afraid of the consequences to let anyone know, so I keep it to myself and just go through the motions of daily life.

I miss talking to certain people, just for the hell of it.

There’s just not enough time in the world for this or something... At times, I think to myself “What happened?” But then I realize the answer is quite simple, time happened.

I hate this.

It's over, and I have the weirdest feeling that despite what you said, things will never be the same again.

I realized

The friends I thought were my friends aren't my friends. I've been losing a lot of friends this year. I realized that they aren't interested in me or being my friend. I'm not sure if I care or not. But I guess things happen for a reason.

Am I moving way too fast ?

It feels like I'm in crazy competition with the past.

But I just gotta ask, is anything I'm doing BrandNew.

Sometimes, you just can't

tell anybody how you really feel. Not because you don't know why. Not because you don't know your purpose. Not because you don't trust them. But because you can't find the right words to make them understand.

I guess I just got hurt.

Really hurt. And sometimes when that happens, something inside me just shuts off.

I gave you a hard time

only because I wanted to see if you were willing to put up with my bullshit. No matter how bad it was, just to be with me. I guess not.

Let's go back to the beginning.

When our love was something new. Back when romance was important, not just another thing to do.

I think we both know

We're never going to get back together. I'm done thinking we ever will. I;m done wishing for you back all the time. I'm just done thinking that you're the one im supposed to be with. Because i know deep down in my heart all you say is just going to fuck with my head and give me false hope.

What's the point of missing you?

If it’s not going to change anything right? Like it’s just a feeling that is slowly fading away, but painfully. I hate the feeling but a million girls have gone through this and made it out okay right? So shouldn’t i be okay by now. Why aren’t i over you yet. I get you meant more than A LOT, but I don’t think it’s normal to miss someone for this long. I mean it hasn’t been that long but still.

Don't act like you honestly had no clue

what type of guy he was, you know his lines were slick and used before, and you knew the girls he played. But what did you do? You dated him because you thought he would change.

They never do.

Things I Miss

• I miss your smile.
• I miss your kisses.
• I miss your hugs.
• I miss seeing you every day.
• I miss looking at your eyes.
• I miss teasing you.
• I miss holding your hands.
• I miss leaning on your shoulder.
• I miss messing with your hair.
• I miss being in your arms.
• I miss your laugh.
• I miss your silly jokes.
• I miss our good memories.
• I miss our late night phone calls.
• I miss your good night/good morning texts.
• I miss your voice.
• I miss it when you say “I Love You”.
• I can truly admit, I miss us.

a word can make a difference.

Love? In love?

A couple of days ago when I was talking to a friend of mine I realized something; that there is a difference between loving someone and being in love.

I have never experience love that was not platonic. Sure I’ve been attracted to someone before and if things go my way we might even start to date but I’ve always wondered how it felt like to be in love with someone. To share with someone a connection, a bond. I mean how can an individual be so attached to another? Seriously, isn’t it scary?

For a while, i thought i was in love but I had time to think it through and I must admit that I wasn’t. The thing was i love the thought that I was in love. I love the thought of taking a risk and relinquishing control to someone else. It hurt in the end but i knew it wasn’t going to last. But who knows.

I know I'm confusing people here but I just wanted to rant.

All I know that someday I want to meet that someone who will make me feel crazy about him. To be in love and to be in love back. Wouldn't you?

why i love my few guy best friends

1. He’s always there for you. He’s always online or near a phone ready to hear about your issues with your boyfriend or your girl best friend or anything. He’s just there when you need him.
2. He won’t steal your boyfriend away from you. Your girl best friend can , but he on the other hand , won’t. One less thing to worry about .
3. He acts like your older brother. If a guy tries hitting on you when he’s there, he’s ready to profile the guy. He will protect you from anybody and everything.
4. After you and your boyfriend break up. He will be there. He will be the one that will let you cry all over his shirt. He’s always gonna be there after your heart is broken.
5. He’s gonna give you guy advice. When you’re in need for some help with the guys , he will lend you some.
6. He will stay up late on the phone or webcam with you. Unlike your boyfriend who will fall asleep on you. He will stay up with you and accompany you throughout the night.
7. When you’re in the need for a hug , he’s there. He can give you the warmest hugs you’ll ever feel. Sometimes , he can hug you better than your boyfriend.
8. He can make you laugh or smile more than you’ll ever know.
9. He loves you. Loves you like you’re his little/big sister. He loves you a lot

it hurts.

Have you ever felt like you’ve been used? As if you’re a toy to be put aside after something new comes along. And then they come back because they realized that the new wasn’t as fun to play with as they previously thought.

But shit I'm not a toy. If you’re going to leave then leave! Don’t come back expecting things to be the same as before between us. I don’t do that. You chose her so be with her. I’m not hand-me-downs! And you have the nerve to talk about your relationship problems with me when you know i like you? Seriously? Do you think im numb as hell? I have feelings too. Don’t be an insensitive prick!

Am I not good enough?

I do not need a guy to complete me.

& I’m not going to disrespect myself by dressing like a prostitute to school everyday.

But I always wonder, am I not good enough? When it becomes between me and her… you choose the girl, the girl that flaunts herself like she’s a piece steak to everyone. You have a good personality, a comely appearance and yet you choose a girl that will never be faithful to you, I don’t know, maybe you don’t want that. & I’m going to sound like a complete loser but… everyday I wake up, I think of the perfect thing to wear because of you. I think of a million things to say to you and I get to nervous to say them. I think of you constantly all day. When you walk by, I stop, just to smell your smell & if I can’t be directly next to you, I’m always near you. It’s amazing how just one word or sentence you say makes my bad days quickly heal. But today, today I realize it’s all BS. All this mushy gush thinking, isn’t worth it. Because if you can’t see how good I or any other faithful girl out there would be to you, you’re not worth my time…Thing is, I just can’t stop.

what did you see in me anyways?

compared to the other girls you bagged, i’m nothing compared to them. they all have better personalities, better looking faces, better bodies. i kinda wonder; was it just ‘cos you had no one else to talk to?

I'm glad that I'm not in love with you anymore.

So glad. Because now I can go my own way and learn to be Miss Independent.

And with each passing day,

It breaks a little more. And yet, I'm not unhappy.

A single tear everyday. And yet, I'm not sad.

What happened to real friends?

I’ll be honest here, I don’t have many people I can call TRUE FRIENDS. Nor do I have that selected few to call my ride or die. Well wait I take that back I DOgenuinely have those 3 to 4 people I can say will always be there for me. As for the others that I wished would have stayed well, they come and go..Don’t get me wrong I’m immensely grateful for everyone and anyone that’s crossed paths with me and even grateful to those who are still somewhere wondering on my road. I have plenety of acquaintances, my daily “hi how are you’s”. And even then, it ultimately comes down to autonomy. ‘Cuz at the end of the day ur still all u really got.

I miss that special friendship bond, The friends I could always count on to be there for me. But somwhere down the line, “THAT LINE” gets cut and unfortunatley putting back the line isn’t so easy. I’m not saying a friendship goes wrong, just “keeping in touch” somehow becomes SUCH A HARD THING TO DO. Those people that you could always call at 3:00 in the morning, just happens to become your “oh whats up we neeed to catch up sometime”. Or somtimes we get those “close friends we haven’t seen or spoken to in awhile but when you do everything is kind of awkward” ohhh geez haha those are the worse. And its sad, we find so much time doing other things that probably takes up more time to do, but yet some of us can’t find that 5minutes in our days just to pick up the phone and to see how our friends our doing. Pardon my choice of words, but That’s BULLSHIT THERES ALWAYS TIME FOR EVERYTHING.

but I get it ya know? while that whole “when one person walks out another walks in”- I also believe that your friendships should matter just as much as your relationships. I’ve seen it, REAL friends can live on complete opposite sides of the earth but yet still find the time for eachother. But that doesn’t mean that just because someone is within reach, we should take them for granted. If we can devote so much of ourselves to our relationships, and put so much effort into nurturing them, there should be no reason we can’t do the same for our friendships. Afterall, it’s ur friends who were there before, during, and after ur relationships anyway”

Definitely one of my favorite movies. I’m craving to watch it.

“All I know is…you’re beautiful.” -Landon, A Walk to Remember.

Don't you hate it?

When one person is running through your mind every second of the day; It’s like they’ve taken over your mind and there’s no way stopping it. I mean what are you supposed to do anyway? All you can do is hope that you mean as much to them as they do to you. If not, call it a phase and get over it. That way you feel better about yourself and everyone wins.

Letting go.

Is a hard thing to do in life. And I mean this in every single way possible. Usually it gives you that bittersweet feeling. Letting go of your mommy’s hand to go to pre-k: You don’t want to let go of mommy but your opening yourself to an entire new world of words, numbers, learning, friends, and fun. Letting go of a significant other: You feel like the world is over but later realize that in letting go of him, he wasn’t even best for you; that it really wasn’t meant to be; & that you would have never found the right one without letting go. Letting go of your old life at home. Graduating; Moving to a whole new environment, leaving your friends, leaving your old life for a new one; experiencing college, a whole new life full of memories to regret and to love. Letting go makes you become who you are in this journey we call life. I need to make a step now, and let go. It’s bittersweet, but it’s life.

Seriously,

why do I even bother anymore? It’s like talking to a fucking brick wall. I get no good response in return. Ha, figures.

Ever have that person in your life that you can't just give up on,

The one person that can screw you over time after time yet you always seem to give them another chance, and no matter how many time you say this is their last one, you know it’s a lie because there’s always just one more waiting for them. the one person you know you’re better off without but yet you can’t find a way to let them go because deep down inside, you wouldn’t know what to do without them. The one person you know doesn’t deserve you but yet you choose to overlook it because you feel for them so much.

Tell a girl

she’s beautiful and she’ll believe it for a moment. Tell a girl she’s worthless and she’ll believe it for the rest of her life.

as more days go by, the possibility of ‘us’, seem to be

unreachable.

What am I doing.. What am I doing here?

Why am I pretending everything is alright. Why are we all just pretending? Don’t tell me you’re not because I know you’re tired of putting on that fake smile every morning before you leave the house. Don’t tell me that you’re “fine” because I know you’re not. I know you’re slowly dying inside and struggling to appear as if you aren’t. I know. Trust me, I know. It’s not something that’s easy to fix. But you know what I can do? What you can do? You can start by realizing that you are not alone. When you’re standing in front of that mirror wondering what your purpose in life is, you are not alone. When you’re crying with your hands curled into fists screaming at the air, you are not alone. When you don’t even care about getting soaked by the rain anymore because it actually helps you cope with your emotions, you are not alone. When your heart is in a pain so immense that nobody else seems to understand, you are not alone. That’s what you need to realize, what I need to realize. That we are not alone.

yeah i know it contradicts some of my posts, but it's true.

I love sleep.

Sleeping is good. Sleeping makes you forget those shitload of pain you’re feeling. Sleeping means drifting off to some other world. A world very different from yours. And somehow, after you wake up, you feel a lot better.

I can't make up my mind.

Anyone can give up, thats the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, thats true strength.

"You can try your hardest

You can do everything. and say everything. But sometimes, people aren’t worth trying over anymore. they aren’t worth worrying about. It’s important to know when to let someone go when they’re letting you down.”

I don't know what to do.

"Do yourself and your heart a favor. Turn around and leave. It may not be what you want, but this shit is not what you deserve."

I'm doing fine.

I have gotten so good in pretendng I am doing fine, I'm starting to believe it myself.

I’m doing fine.

bittersweet

Second chances are unpredictable. It’s like putting your heart at risk once again for either something better and worthwhile ….or it could just be another opportunity to catch you off guard and break your heart into microscopic pieces again. The truth is, I’m scared. I’m beyond terrified of how things will turn out. I don’t trust you, but I'm willing to see where this goes. You’re one of the very few guys to ever sincerely apologize to me. I’m willing to give you another chance. Like I said…

This second chance could either make us or break us.

The most unattractive things in guys:

1. Being in constant need of a girl. Guys that always need to be with a girl just to find an assured source of happiness, to feel accepted and/or to refrain from the feeling loneliness.
2. No sense of individuality. Having no overall confidence in choosing what they’re into. Instead, they are instantly easily-influenced by certain people of how to dress, the type of music, lifestyle, etc.
3. Being oversensitive & emotionally weak. Guys that are unable to control their emotions & comes off as being the ‘girl’ in the relationship. Those who gets too attached to a girl too soon & claims he’s in ‘love’ although it’s just pure infatuation.
4. Having low-standards. Basically, guys who go for girls just because they’re attractive — disregarding & totally oblivious about their inner characteristics, morals, & values.

summer ♥

Reuniting with old friends you truly missed. Complaining about the horrible foot tan that’s forming because of the flip-flops you wear everyday. Making plans to go to the beach every week. Randomly showing up at people’s houses just because they have a pool. Staying up watching movies all night. Wearing sunglasses as a daily accessory. Not having to worry about any homework or projects. Sleepless nights of endless conversations with the most amazing people. Constantly craving something cold because of the heat. Waking up at any time of the day. Meeting new people from everywhere and getting along with them right away. Wearing nothing but tank tops, shorts, skirts and dresses. Busting missions to places just to see certain people. Making plans to go to Six Flags and Disneyland. Occasional water fights at the park. Always seeing someone you know at the mall.

Oh summer 2010, I’m so ready for you. BRING IT [:

fake a smile

& no one will ever know. No one will ever know how damp your pillows got because you cried yourself to sleep. The emotions that stir up your system when every little thing reminds you of him. It’ll remain a secret. Curve those lips into a plastic smile so you can cover up your vulnerability. Wipe that tear off before anyone catches a glimpse of it. Walk it off like it was nothing and brush your shoulders off like you don’t give a fuck. Conceal the pain until your make-up is make-believing. Hold your head up high and pretend there’s nothing wrong. Be strong, don’t crash. Keep yourself together. Because in the end, people would kill to see you fall.

To tell you the truth,

The person I see in the mirror is someone completely different from who you see. All I can see are flaws. Problems that I want to fix, but just can’t. They take over my mind and confidence. But my smile, it might not be the prettiest, or nicest, but it covers up everything. All the insecurities, pain, and problems I have aren’t noticeable. When I smile, it’s all gone.

guys are assholes.

if you argue with him, you’re hard-headed.

if you’re quiet, you don’t care.

if you call him, you’re too clingy crazy.

if he calls you, he says you should be happy.

if you don’t love him, he’ll try to win you.

when you do love him, he leaves.

if you don’t fuck him, you’re a tease.

if you do, you’re easy.

you tell him your problems, he says you’re irritating.

if you don’t, he says you don’t trust him.

if you lecture him, you just want to argue.

if he lectures you, it’s because he ‘cares.’

if you break a promise, he doesn’t trust you anymore.

if he breaks it, it’s because he had to.

if you cheat, he expects it to be over.

if he cheats, he wants another chance.

they’re all basically the same.

guys drink to forget about girls; girls drink to think back about the guy.

when guys are in love, they become poor; when girls are in love, they become pretty.

guys can forget, but can’t forgive; girls can forgive, but can’t forget.

when guys are heart-broken, they try to forget about the girl by going out with another girl;

when girls are heart-broken, they try to find his characteristics in another guy.

guys wish to be her first love; girls wish to be his last.

i wish i can go back in time and fix all my mistakes

because right now im not learning from them . these mistakes are getting worse . im skipping more . doing other things more . i dunno . is it the crowd im hanging out with now ? is it just one of those things a teenager goes through in life? i dont know , but what ever it is . i want to stop but for some reason its bringing me back . help me stop please ? i dont want to be an addict when i get older .

"A man who wants to make a relationship work

will move mountains to keep the woman he loves. If he's not calling you to tell you he loves you and wants you back, it should only be because he's showing up at your place to do it in person... If he's not doing any of that, he may love you, he may miss you, but ultimately, he's just no that into you. Stop taking his calls and let him know what it's like to live without you."

Insecure.

Usually my self-esteem is pretty good. I’m satisfied with how I look and how I present myself. But then I get those days when I just feel ugly and, get ready for it, fat. I know, I know. “You’re not fat! Your freakin’ normal!” This is me speaking the absolute truth: No, I don’t think I’m obese but I do have a belly and I’m out of shape. Anyways, my self-esteem goes down so low when I see all these pretty girls, with nice bodies, and it doesn’t even seem like they need to try to look good. I become so insecure that I put myself down.

I didn't change.

I grew up. I accepted that things don’t always go my way. I found out that I will not always agree with other peoples views. I stopped letting people push me around and I stopped believing in what other people believed in. We can’t always be happy, and I learned that too. In general, I accepted reality. Life happens.

I'm not going to be that girl you keep running back to anymore.

I'm not going to sit around waiting for something to happen. I'm not going to always be there when you need someone to kiss up to, when all the other girls leave. If you ever decide to come running back to me, think before you fuck things up again. I can't say I'm happy with every little decision I've made, but I guess it's for the best. Best believe, I learned from the best.

I can’t be with a guy who’s too nice.

I just cannot and will not. I don’t want a guy that I can easily have my finger wrapped around. Being able to depend on you for certain things is nice, but I’m a good girl, I could handle not all, but some things on my own. I want a guy who isn’t afraid to mess with me because we all know it’s all for laughs. I want a guy who can keep me on my toes. I want a guy to fight back with me when we argue. I want a guy to know when and when not to apologize. I don’t want him to apologize for something that clearly isn’t his fault. I might sound a little crazy, but I like when arguments occur. No I don’t like arguments that happen on the daily. But the ones that test our love. The ones that test whether or not the relationship is strong enough to get past all of what is going on because we both know the love is there and that we mean too much to each other to let it all go. I just want a bad guy with good intentions.

I don’t want a guy to sacrifice sleep just to talk to me.

At least not all the time. If I know he he had a long day and that he’s tired or has a lot to do the next day, I’d rather let him go. No, it’s not that I don’t want to talk to him. It’s just that I’d rather have him sleep then be tired while talking to me. As long as we say goodnight to each other, I am perfectly fine.

I'm a fucked up person.

Yeah, I made mistakes in the past. And you know what? I’m going to continue making them until the day I die. I’m not perfect. I’m nowhere close to it actually. But the thing is, I don’t try to be either.

I admit it, I’m a bad person. But I’m a bad person with good intentions. Give me a break though, I’m human. Just know that people do change. People around us are changing everyday. I’m learning and I’m growing. And at the same time, I’m trying my best to be a become a better person.

The girl you used to know?

Oh, I must’ve forgotten to mention that. She left, just like you did.

Lately I’ve been annoyed with everyone and everything.

People irritate the shit out of me. Even some of the people I normally talk to on a daily basis. Little things piss me off. I just can’t stand being around people nowadays. I just need to get away from here and have my space. Bringing a few people won’t hurt though, but I really just need to get away from this place.

On the real,

I really do need to learn how to love myself before I can love anyone else. My past has a lot to do with who I am today. I’m this insecure girl who doesn’t feel good about herself, because of the shit that has happened before. It shouldn't be this way. I need to work on myself before getting involved.

But then again, shit happens unexpectedly all the time. I found a guy who has patience with me and would like to accompany me on this journey, it's even better.

Friendshit.

I’m fed up with certain people, or should I say certain “friends” of mine. I’m done putting effort into certain friendships and not getting anything in return. So don’t give me that “why don’t we ever hang anymore?!” or that “oh you forgot about me. I see how it is” bullshit. I will not tolerate it, because believe me, I’ve tried to make this “friendship” of ours work. If you know me, you’d know that I don’t easily give on people I care about. I’ll try my best to make things work, but once I’ve had enough, I’m out.

Like relationships, it takes two to make it work. So If you’re not going to meet me half way, don’t bother meeting me at all.

Yeah, I’m stubborn.

Yeah, I’m insecure, emotional, and indecisive. But if you get past all that, you’ll see the girl who’s always been there for you. You’ll see the girl that has a lot of faith in you, and you’ll see the girl who wants nothing but to see you happy.

I am incredibly awkward and negative.

I get attached easily, and I hold on for too long. I don’t like opening up to people. Most 5 year old children can express their feelings better than me. I hide behind my fake smiles. I’m terrified of being hurt. I tend to act older than I am. I’m probably one of the most difficult people you will ever meet. But I can be sweet. I’m a great listener. I’ll guard your secrets with my life. I will never judge you based on your mistakes, and I’ll love you as much as I can. I can be, if you let me, one of the best things in your life.

quooote:

“Trust no player, fear no bitch, be no pussy, suck no dick. People play games & are full of shit. Play the role & be the baddest bitch.”

& this is me.

I’m not the type of girl who runs to everyone when I have a problem. Mainly because I don’t really know if anyone even gives a damn. My expertise? Bottling up my emotions. I can laugh and smile like nothing’s wrong because there’s no use in expressing my feelings. If something’s really bothering me, I may drop a few hints here and there, just to see who’s really paying attention. Not that many so far. It’s okay though. Why? Because I’m used to it. It’s nice helping others with their issues, leaving my own issues on the side like a procrastinator. Maybe I’ll get to it… maybe I won’t.

i hate feeling insecure around my own friends.

it’s like standing next to perfection that you can and probably never will live up to. i know it’s just one of those teenage feelings, and i know it doesn’t affect me that much, but it’s still a feeling someone gets at least once in their lives. i know for a fact that most people do really pay attention to how you dress, how you talk, and even how much of the brains you have academically, and maybe that’s just it. i’m not saying that i’ve never judged someone because of how they present themselves, but even i have my own insecurities, so why bother? call me stupid, call me a bitch, but i’m a girl, i have feelings, and it bothers me, so what?

"She may have perfect hair,

get her nails done, and hang out with the boys... but she also comes home every night, puts on her glasses, ties back her hair, and reads her books. Labels are for soup cans, not people."