I don’t think it’ll change.

No, I’m not going to lose feelings for you. No, I’m not going to find someone better than you. No, I’m not going to cheat on you. And no, I’m not going to leave you. I’ve already made up my mind, I want you and only you. No one else. Because to me, you’re kind of perfect.

I want to be the girl.

That’s always on your mind. The one you can’t get enough of. I want to be the girl you have your eyes set on. I want to be the girl you hold tight. I want to be the girl you stay on the phone with or text all day. But most importantly, i want to be yours. And i want you to be mine.

Single.

I’m single because I just want to do me. It’s easier than getting “played”. It keeps people from hurting me. I get bored quick. I get annoyed easily. I don’t really stay the same person you meet in the beginning of the friendship. You won’t like all sides of me. I want what I can’t have and don’t want what I can have. I’m indecisive. I’m picky. My standards are high and I’m not gonna lower them anytime soon for anyone. I don’t like the feeling of someone liking me and I don’t like them back. I’ll feel forced to like them back. I don’t like the feeling of me liking someone and they like someone else. I’d just rather be single. It’ll just save everyone and myself the trouble, the pain, etc. I don’t need the pressure of letting people down gently or the pressure of having to like someone back. I’ll just do me for now.

People's bullshit and fakeness

are the main reasons why I like ot be alone.

What worse than finding out he has no interest in you?

Not knowing where you stand.

If you know he has no interest, you have the key to move on

Not knowing where you stand gives you false hope

Gives you something to hold on to and something to let go of.

It leaves you on a leash, but you don’t know how long that leash can be.

Your too scared to make a move, cause you dont want to seem obsessive

You want to make a move, to show that your interested

Every sweet thing he says gives you butterflies

Every turn down shatters your world

You keep checking your phone every minute until he replies

He sends you kisses, you take it to heart. He means nothing by it

You remember that kiss, that one night stand, craving for that touch just one more time

You dream about him

You dream about making love to him

You see other girls with him and you wonder if he treats them the same

You get jealous. a lot

You imagine conversations in your head that would somehow lead you to forever after

You start listening to his music, watching his movies, hoping that by you having the same taste as he might make you a perfect match

Every song you hear somehow relates to him

Your mind, simply, WILL NOT REST

Think twice before judging my actions.

It’s not about the peer pressure. It’s not about being a complete rebel. It’s not about looking cool or trying to fit in with everyone. To be honest, I don’t even know why I do this shit. I made a promise to myself that I would never get involved or even come close to trying it. So what do I do? I try it. Multiple times, actually. When all these people ask me ongoing questions about why I do it, I’m speechless. For those awkward seconds of silence, I become a little ashamed to even be in my own skin since it’s not necessarily something I want to brag about. I don’t expect people to understand because their not going to even bother trying to comprehend the words I throw at them anyway.

Let me break it down for you. For just one night, you get this chance to forget about all your problems and live in the moment. You begin to not care about things that never really mattered in the first place. You don’t hold yourself back on taking risks, you just end up doing it. You get to escape without heading too far away from where you are now. I can’t really explain it. While some may be addicted to the drug, I’m addicted to the adrenaline. Go ahead and call me a bad influence. I’ll show you what it looks like to not give a fuck.

I fuck up a lot.

I make mistakes. I don’t know what I want. I’m bipolar. I fight about everything. I cuss about everything. Sometimes I get mad over the littlest shit. I am a total bitch when it comes down to it. I push people away. I say things I don’t mean. I hate. I love. I do things I wish I never did. But whatever I do, no matter what I do, I LEARN. For every thing I take a risk for, I learn. And without experience, I would have never been where I am at today, and never be as strong as I am today. Please do not tell me what I did wrong, who I did wrong .. because I ALREADY know. Sue me for being a got damn human being. I am not perfect, and I don’t live to anyone’s expectation but myself. I am me, that’s all I’ll ever be.

obsessions.

do you ever get that feeling wanting something and thinking of all these possibilities or schemes on how to get it? like you come up with all these plans, or things that might occur and all of a sudden you become so blind to everything else? it’s like you won’t stop until you get it. you start to examine everything, the things he says, body language, or how he looks at you. you take every little thing into consideration that all of a sudden the bell rings for your next period and you are suddenly struck with dissapointment because some how it felt like the shortest class in history. now it’s become an obsession. but yet, you know nothing about him. the only thing you probably know is his name, school, super sexy car, and that he’s extremely good looking. you don’t know his interests, opinions, or if he has any siblings, things like that. so if you don’t know any of these things about him, what’s really caught your eye? is it him? or the thought of him?

this is my dillemma. i’m afraid that i’m only after the catch. i always mistake lust for love, and i really don’t want another bullshit relationship. but it’s just so damn fun the way you look at each other, the flirting, the smiles. Fuck, I can’t help myself.

i'm just a fucked up girl

looking for my own piece of mind, i'm not perfect.

i'm in love ;)

with adam's car. oh damn, fucking crazy night in that.

I can be the nicest,

most down to earth person you know or I can be a huge bitch in your face. It all depends on how you start the conversation and how it ends up playing out. Your call.

i don't need a break from life.

i need a break from people and their expectations.

Talking to somebody about my problems won’t do much,

if it’s not the right person that I need to talk to.