The Boy Problem

So… Wanna know what I noticed?Relationship-wise, Once I’m DONE with a relationship, I’m instantly put into another WHEN I’M NOT READY. What’s up with that? And when the relationship starts to head DOWNHILL, I try to do the obvious by sticking around, making it work. The sucky part about that is, as the guy’s being a little punk, another guy who has potential comes around, but I don’t even bother because I’m too busy trying to stay FAITHFUL when my guy could be mackin. I DON’T GET IT. I’ve BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, yet I still put myself through it because I like to think I can handle it a little better than last time because this guy is different.

Face it, sometimes, we don’t let go until they really fuck us over. We let go of them, but not the memories, those which carry so much meaning.

There comes a time when I do look back and smile however. Times spent with those guys who, at the time, were the center of my attention, are priceless.It makes me so confused to know them as a wonderful friend, to a heart-throb, and then into your worst enemy, the one who can make you feel like shit and then their NUMBER ONE just like THAT.

I think it’s crazy how you can spend twice as much time moping and wishing to be with them once it all falls apart rather than when you were with them at the time. Personally, I take the longest to get over a guy. You can’t expect me to be fully single, because a part of me still misses the most recent guy. It’s no wonder why I end up confused and really insecure about this new guy because I end up making myself think that he’s somehow connected with the most recent. In the end, who’s right? You guessed it, the girls.

I don’t ‘experiment’ or ‘play the field’ or whatever, they’re just a lucky dime that I happen to pick up. It’s like making a dollar out of fifteen cents. That dime just happens to last me for a long time until it burns a hole in my pocket. But think about it, if it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t have had all the better guys come along the way.
It's a win/lose situation.

Guys frustrate me. They’re sneaky, mean, lovable, irritating, irritable, stubborn, weird, lazy, careful, careless, un-aware, you name it. Not ALL guys are like this, but I’m just saying, a handful of guys are.

I’m either rushed, not ready, or too scared to be in a relationship.
I’m not saying I want to be in one, but sometimes it just sucks to look back and see how many times my important relationships failed me. Why?I’m not gonna stand there and be played because I’ve been there, not the best. Because seriously, it’s nothing serious. Why would you die for a moment that will last five seconds and then be ignored for five days? It doesn’t work like that.I want to be straightforward and actually get somewhere, but that’s just asking for too much way too fast. When or if the time comes for the next guy to come along, I don’t know if I can handle it anymore. I’ve handled too much in my history to even care anymore. You see, I gave previous guys most of my heart, time, money, and care, for nothing in return. Whatever I put in, I came back heartless, confused, flat broke, and broken hearted.

It’s funny how in the beginning, I have my guard up and things go really GOOD. Then, when I decide to let down my guard just for a little, everything goes crashing down.I try to make sure nothing like that will happen, it usually works out, but then it just bites me back in the ass when I least expect it.

I’m a woman of my words and right now, I kind of mean it when I say ima be single forever. I said it before, but someone was able to prove me wrong. What happened? You tell me.

What confuses me the most is, WHAT KIND OF PERSON LIKES THE IDEA OF HAVING MULTIPLE LOVERS, LEAVING SOMEONE ON THE SPOT, PLAY SOMEONE IN FRONT OF THEM, MAKING THEM CRY, HURTING THEM INTENTIONALLY, ETC?I NEVER EVER WANT TO PUT SOMEONE THROUGH THIS.Ask me, I’ll tell you what it feels like to be the receiver of such things. Trust me, it’s just brutally painful; words can’t even describe.

For once, I just want to know if someone who really does care, rain or shine, really exists out there for me. I don’t even want to think if I did let that person pass while I was too busy trying to make things work with someone who wouldn’t even give garbage for me.

I just need someone who can prove me wrong by SHOWING ME and STICKING TO THEIR WORDS, letting time go at it’s own pace.
Nothing rushed, no games, no lies, none of that.